Beginning of the End
by Boaz Priestly
Summary: An AU story about Dean coming back and the consequences that he and Sam might have faced if things had turned out differently.
1. Going through the Motions

Discliamer: I own them in my mind. Kripke owns all rights.  
A/N: I don't have a beta, so all mistakes are mine. Spoiler warning through S4 Lazarus Rising.  
This story is dedicated to black67impala. _My_ Sammy

**_Get her._**

_Sam lunged forward, determined to destroy Lilith, but a quick glance at Dean stopped him in his tracks. Sam's brow furrowed as his eyes focused in on his brother. He looked bad. Very bad. Blood was splattered everywhere and he wasn't moving. Everything had been chaotic seconds earlier but now, the room seemed so quiet and daunting that Sam was keenly aware of his footsteps as he walked over to Dean and knelt down beside him. As trails of blood slid down Dean's face, Lilith left Sam's mind completely._

_"Dean," he breathed quietly as blood pooled around his shoe. He shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment, desperately trying to wake from the nightmare that surrounded him. No such luck._

_"Dean!" he screamed as his brother lay unresponsive. Sam swallowed hard and stood up, taking a step back as he did so. That's when he noticed the blood on his shoe. Dean's blood._

_"Dean! I'll get help," he cried frantically and pulled his phone from the pocket of his jeans. His hands trembled as he tried to remember how to get the damn thing to work. He had managed to pull up Bobby's number, but couldn't quite figure out how to dial out._

_Finally, he heard a familiar voice on the other line. " Dean's hurt," he said with desperation in his voice. It would all be fine now though because Bobby would know what to do, he reminded himself._

_Sam heard Bobby ask him where exactly in the house he and Dean were and for some reason this made him angry. He looked down at Dean again and tears formed in his eyes " Dean's hurt!" he tried to convey to Bobby again, wiping the tears away angrily because there was no reason for tears. Sure, Dean was hurt badly, but it wasn't like he was..._

_Sam knelt beside his brother once again and gently lifted his head. Tears were dropping onto Dean's face and Sam hurriedly wiped them away because he knew that Dean wouldn't like that. He slipped the necklace carefully over Dean's head and held onto it so tightly, he could feel the talisman biting through his skin. It seemed like he could feel all of the agony in the entire world at once and he smashed the phone against the wall as the room began to spin and slowly melt around him. Then there was nothing but darkness._

_The next thing he remembered, he was standing by the makeshift grave that he had made for Dean against Bobby's wishes. Bobby had given up on salting and burning Dean's body, as he knew he would have wanted, because Sam had told him that he would need his body when he came back. Bobby had tried to explain to Sam that Dean was not coming back. He knew that Sam was in shock and felt the only way to shake him out of it was to make him accept the fact._

_Sam remembered the look he had given Bobby when he had said those words to him. Worse, he remembered the feeling of rage he had and the violent impulse that shook through his body. The look of fear that Bobby had given back to Sam was enough to calm him and to help him to remember that this was not Bobby's fault. Bobby never spoke of burning Dean's body again._

_Sam stood beside the grave with the shovel in his hand and felt that enough had not been done. He walked around the grassy edge of the forest until he found two pieces of wood that he felt were good enough to make a cross and, with Bobby's help, nailed them together. When he put the cross into the ground, what should have been a feeling of closure was replaced by a feeling of fresh pain. He stood back and Bobby started to speak but Sam only held is hand up to silence him. The smell in the air and the warmth of the sun shining down on him on that day was a feeling that he would live with every waking moment._

As he walked along the now well-beaten path toward Dean's grave, the sun was beating down just as it had on that dismal day four months earlier. The air smelled the same, as did the grass and trees around him. Sam was a different person though, and four years may as just as well have passed as four months. His phone began to buzz and he grabbed it from of his pocket and frowned. Bobby was calling again.

" Drunk probably," Sam muttered to himself as he silenced the phone and put it back into his pocket. It wasn't that he didn't care for Bobby, he just had no clue as how to help the man when he couldn't even help himself. He felt guilt creep up into his heart but pushed it back down as he had been doing with most of his emotions lately.

He absently touched the fabric between his shirt and Dean's necklace and almost found himself reliving the nightmare again. " Get it together," he growled to himself " You're a Winchester. Quit being a pansy that can't handle what cards were dealt." That one he had practiced a few times and the words actually made him feel better because he could hear Dean's voice coming through them.

He was almost to the clearing when he heard a noise that sounded like a possible footstep and silently cursed as he had just stepped on a twig. He stood frozen and alert but heard nothing else. Waiting was the hardest part when you were standing in a very awkward position, but nothing could be done when you knew that if you moved an inch the damn branch under your foot would crackle again. When he was sure that it was his imagination, he moved forward with caution.


	2. Reality, Maybe

Dean was creeped the hell out. He did feel a little better after drinking the water he'd found in the deserted convenience store though, and he had his favorite magazine tucked in his shirt along with a few other necessities. Maybe this really was happening. If it was, he couldn't help but be a little miffed at Bobby for hanging up on him. Sure, he understood that Bobby had to be careful, but he didn't have to hang the hell up. A nice "Dean, is that really you!" would have sufficed.

"Whatever." Dean mumbled and kicked a pebble he spied as he walked along. Then he remembered the sound he had heard in the woods and decided that it would probably be best to stay as quiet as possible. The noise had bothered him. It sounded like someone walking on the opposite side of the forest, but that wasn't what had Dean bothered. It was the fact that the noise sounded familiar and just how could a freaking noise sound familiar?

Maybe his mind was playing tricks on him, and just maybe this wasnt real after all. Just _maybe_ it was all an illusion made up by some evil force to get his hopes up, then tear him back down. Dean found this to be humorous because if it did turn out to be a trick, it was a really _stupid_ one because he had to dig himself out of his own grave and that had been scary. How were his hopes supposed to be lifted when he had been scared out of his wits when he first woke up? He had seen that Buffy chick do the same exact thing and she didn't make it look all that difficult. Well, she did seem a little freaked after she had talked to that Spike dude, but that Spike dude was really a vampire who was in love with her and she didn't like him all that much so if he had been the first person she saw, Dean could understand why she...Oh _hell_ no, he wasn't analyzing or comparing his experience to Buffy the frigging Vampire Slayer. He _only _watched that show when there had been nothing else on and when he had been really, really bored and because Buffy was _damn _cute. Dean could feel his cheeks burning as if he had been talking out loud and there had actually been someone around to hear him. "Stupid show didn't get the vampire lore right in the first place," he snorted. "Vampires disintegrating right before your very eyes. Convenient."

As he walked on, he noticed a glimmer of black on the side of the road. The way the light bounced off of it, reminded him of the Impala from far away. If he hadn't been certain that there was absolutely no way, he would have sworn that it _was_ his car. He had spotted that car before in dire times of need before, but there was just no way it could be his, because that would be _too _convenient. _Hallucinations. I'm probably having hallicinations. _Dean thought this plausible since he still felt thirsty and had no idea if he had enough fluids in his body. What kind of shape was he actually in?

The sun blazed in his eyes, making it really difficult to concentrate on the glimmer of black and he was hot. He reached inside his jacket for a bottle of water and forced himself to only take a few sips. He desperately wanted more, but, had no idea where he was and there was no way he was going back to that creepy ass store. For now, his hope was the glimmering black object that was seriously looking more and more like his car as he walked closer. When he got close enough to confirm that it was indeed the Impala, he stopped and just stared at it for almost a full minute. _Well, Hell does have a sense of humor. _He moved forward carefully at first, then broke into a run. When he reached the car, his first impulse was to touch it but he refrained. What if it blew up or something? The natural instincts of a hunter had kicked in and Dean just wasn't sure about this. Then again, if the car _did _lunge at him or something, it would probably do it anyway if this wasn't reality. Scratching the back of his head, he snickered at the idea of the car lunging at him any-damn-way. If it decided to do something like that, he had a feeling he would probably laugh at it.

Crap, what was the sun doing to him. This was crazy. Lunging Impala's. _He_ could pull a better trick than _that. _Still, he tentatively reached out and touched the hood. It was pretty hot, but still felt damn good. "Real or not, I'm sure as hell happy to see you sweetheart," he said as he opened the door and slid into the front seat. Dean smiled a genuine smile for the first time since his "resurrection" and put his hand on the ignition. "Let's go for a ride," he grinned. His grin lasted for about a half a second as he realized the keys weren't in the ignition. " This is your evil plan?" he shouted to the air. " Well, I'm tired of being Hell's bitch and you forgot who you're dealing with." He knew that he probably looked stupid talking to himself but hey, if whatever Powers That Be wanted to play then he was going to take full advantage of it.

He ducked down underneath the steering wheel and found the wires he was looking for. " Oh yeah," he grinned as he heard the motor purr " Let's get the hell out of here. Pun intended," he smirked as he glanced around, then stepped hard on the gas pedal.


	3. Silence is Deafening

Sam had almost reached the edge of the clearing when he thought he heard the sound of the Impala running. He looked up and saw that Dean's grave looked, well, odd. He couldn't figure out what was wrong because it was too far away, forgetting about the Impala, he started toward it. The second he moved, he was certain he heard tires screeching and knew that someone had just stolen the car. "Damn it," he cursed, and turned and ran.

He knew the attempt was futile, but impulse told him to give it a try anyway. He felt for the keys as he ran along. Check. If he hadn't of heard that car every single day of his life for the past four years, he would have told himself that he was being ridiculous. He was panting by the time he reached the side of the road and rested his hands on his knees as he thought about his next move. He was angry. No one knew how to hotwire that car but Dean. No one was _allowed_ to do that but Dean. As he caught his breath, he decided to call Bobby and hope against hope that he wasn't drinking today.

"Sam?" He could hear the concern in Bobby's voice and the feelings of guilt began to come back.

"Bobby, listen," he started.

"No, you listen,"Bobby snapped. "There's no sense in how you've been acting, Sam. You could have at the very least left a message to let me know if you that were still alive. There was a pause, then he finished with a "Even if you didn't want to talk to me."

Sam sighed, and though he knew it was the truth, he had no time for this right now. "You're right," he said. "But Bobby, you have to listen to me."

Then Sam was cut off again "No, Sam. You have to listen to _me." _Bobby's voice took on an even more serious tone. "Someone called." Then there was a second of silence on the line as Bobby contemplated on how he was going to get the next few words out. "Someone called and said that they were Dean and if I didn't know better, Sam I woulda sworn it _was_ Dean."

"Bobby, are you drinking again?" Sam asked blatantly.

"Don't you dare , Sam. Don't. You. Dare. You want to know something? You're not the only one that has been put through the wringer. You and your brother are both like sons to me, so don't you try and make out like I'm just a drunken old fool." Bobby's patience had been growing thin but when he had heard a voice that sounded just like Dean Winchester's on the phone, a voice that had more than a hint of desperation in it, he had had enough.

Sam knew it was true that Bobby had been hurting too, and he felt ashamed. Still, he was trapped and now wasn't the time to make amends. It also wasn't the time to argue about hearing voices. He sighed and glanced back at the woods, really wishing Bobby hadn't even said Dean's name aloud. "Listen, Bobby," Sam explained, "I'm stuck. Someone stole the car and I'm stuck." He paused and tried to think of a polite way to ask Bobby if he was in a condition to drive. "Please, if you're able to drive," he winced as he the words. "I really need for you to come and pick me up. _Because the car shouldn't be but about twenty miles down the road by now._ Sam sighed audibly.

"So, you went and let your car get stolen," Bobby said and Sam could hear the implication of the word "idiot" in his voice. "You know, I should leave you standing by the road for a couple of days to help you get your mind straight." He was still hurt but his love for his adopted sons never wavered. "Ok, Sam," he sighed. "Where are you? And no, I haven't taken a drink in three days if that'll rest your mind any."

Oh, he really didn't want to explain where he was. He wasn't embarrassed to be there, he just didn't want to say the words. "I'm beside the woods. The ones near Dean's grave." He said the last sentence quickly, hating that the words that had just passed through his lips.

"Oh," Bobby answered quietly."I'll be there as soon as I can, son." He paused, then asked "Want me to call the cops?"

Sam almost smiled at the comment. "You know I don't, Bobby. I'll find the car and those responsible on my own." _I'll find them and they will regret it_.

"On my way," Bobby said before he put down the phone.

Sam put the phone back in his pocket, then turned to go back to the gravesite. Everything was still and quiet. Too quiet. He had the strangest feeling of being watched and wondered if the car thieves were still around. If they were, this wasn't just a random incident and they weren't just a group of teenagers out for a joyride. Sam's feeling was completely ominous and he wished that Bobby would hurry because he was virtually unarmed. He remembered the gravesite looking strange too him and squinted as he looked carefully through the trees.

"If you want me, then here I am," he said in a low voice to the wooded area behind him. As he turned back to face the road, he folded his arms and kicked at the dirt. He decided that he would wait to check Dean's grave. It wasn't because of fear, he rarely felt that anymore, he was tired and knew that whatever he thought he saw, was only in his mind. It was time to stop before he lost it all. There would be no helping Dean, if he let paranoia get to him, and he _was_ going to help Dean.


	4. Just a Quick Stop

A/N: This chapter was long so I divided it into two chapters.  
WARNING: Sexual situations soon.  
Reviews are love!

Dean floored the gas pedal, relishing the feeling of being behind the wheel. He'd grabbed the first tape he touched from the glove compartment and was now listening to _Metallica_ as loud as the car speakers would allow.

He decided to drive Bobby's, hoping to find Sam, or at least a lead on where he might be. Part of him was afraid of what he might find. Another part was afraid he would find nothing. Sam had changed his number and this concerned him. Dean's body tensed at all of the possibilities racing through his mind but he quickly chased them away by concentrating on the car and the music.

He drove past a diner and suddenly the goodies he had found at the store, didn't seem so fulfilling anymore. _Bobby will still be at home there after a quick pit stop_, he thought as he turned the car around and drove back. He parked the car and jumped out, suddenly craving a cheeseburger with all the fixings.

The door jingled when he opened it and he stopped for a moment to survey his surroundings. He knew that he had the goofiest smile plastered on his face but the giddiness just wouldn't wear off. Freedom was a beautiful thing.

He noticed a cute blonde eyeing him and threw a smirk her way, adding a little wink as he past by. He'd spotted an empty booth and walked over to it with his usual swagger. _Yeah, life is **good**._ He slid into the booth and grinned at the waitress as she came over. "Two burgers all the way," he said, tasting them already. "And add a coffee. Black." He rested his head against the top of the booth, closing his eyes while he savored the scent of the greasy food coming from the kitchen.

"Is this seat taken?"A feminine voice asked softly.

Dean opened his eyes slowly and stared at the blonde he had winked at a few seconds earlier. "Depends on who wants to know," he quipped. He tried desperately to be nonchalant but the girl in front of him was absolutely gorgeous.

"Just little ole me," she teased. "I'm harmless, I promise," she winked, tossing her long hair back.

Dean's ears perked up at her last sentence, but his eyes never wavered. "As long as you're _harmless_, then I guess it's reserved for you," he grinned, though he was serious. She had done nothing to make him distrust her. She had only been flirting, but Dean had thought he'd caught something in her voice. It could have been the paranoia he was feeling but he wasn't taking any chances.

"So, where are you from?" Dean asked as she sat down.

"Name it," she laughed. "I was an Army brat when I was a kid and I guess it just stuck with me because now all I do is travel."

"Interesting," Dean commented, still amazed by her beauty but at the same time, he knew to play this carefully.

"How rude of me," she mused. "I sat down without even introducing myself." She extended her hand "My name is Lindsey."

Dean took her hand and resisted the urge to give it a lingering caress. "Dean," he answered back simply.

"I'm a free lance photographer," she explained. "The pay sucks, but I have awesome hours and get to travel all I want. She looked up at him from under her lashes. "It does get lonely at times though," she added.

"You don't look like you would have any problems being lonely," Dean said and gave her a little smile. He contemplated the situation and decided that he could at least be civil. They were in a cafИ and maybe this chick was for real, so he could at least be nice while being cautious at the same time. She leaned over just a little and he could see the outline of her lacey bra. Yeah, he could at least be nice.

"Trust me, after you've been on the road for so long, it can get pretty lonely sometimes," she said quietly. "But it's the life I've chosen, so I really can't complain." She perked up and leaned toward Dean "How about you? What do you do?"

"Travel," he responded with a shrug. "Government job." He was used to being quick on his feet in these situations, but now, he suddenly felt drained. He looked around for the waitress, but she couldn't be found and he was really getting hungry. "Can I get you anything?" he asked, noticing that she didn't have any food either.

"No," she smiled. "Thank you though. Really, I just stopped in for coffee. I have a few miles ahead of me today and need a little jolt to keep me awake." She pulled her hair up with one hand and massaged the back of her neck with the other.

Dean swallowed hard as his eyes rested on her long, slender neck. _Oh this girl is beautiful_.

The waitress came and set his food in front of him, then put the cups of coffee down "Anything else?" she asked, her voice sounding tired and gravelly.

"Yeah," Dean answered, his eyes still on Lindsey's neck.

The waitress gave him an impatient look "Ok, what'll it be?" she growled. "Or should I give you two lovebirds a few more minutes?" She ended the last sentence with an eye roll.

Dean snapped out of it and felt his ears burning. "No...nothing," he stammered. "I mean, thank you, and that will be all." _What is your **deal** dude? Sound like a pansy much?_ Dean tore into his burger, desperately trying to regain his composure. _That will be all?_ _Ok, she's hot but THAT WILL BE ALL_? He glanced at Lindsey and caught a hint of a smile on her lips.

It didn't take long to forget his humiliation. He had to be eating the best burger he had ever tasted and at the moment, there wasn't a good looking woman in the world that could compare. After he finished the last bite of the second one, he settled back in his seat and took a gulp of coffee. It was amazing how people took the little things in life for granted and he decided right then and there that he would never do it again.

"I take it you were hungry," Lindsey laughed, looking a little amazed. "I think you just set some kind of record or something." She sipped her coffee and gave Dean a look of admiration.

"That was nothing," Dean smirked "You should see Sammy try and keep up when we're racing for the last piece of pizza." The smirk disappeared quickly and suddenly the food he had just consumed made his stomach hurt. _The little_ _things. Never take them for granted_.

"Who is Sammy?" Lindsey inquired, but she hadn't even gotten _Sammy_ out before Dean was standing in front of her.

"I have to hit the road," he announced. "Thanks for the company." He couldn't even give her a wink. He tried summon a little Dean Winchester charm but it had all left when the his brother's name brought him back to reality.

"Thank you for the company," she said, as a hurt expression overshadowed her face. "I should be on my way too though."

Dean felt a little guilty and took her hand to help her up. He pulled out some money he had taken from the convenience store and laid it on the table. "I'll walk you out. Really, it was nice to meet you Lindsey," he said sincerely as they headed toward the door.

"Is that your car?" Lindsey cried just as Dean let go of her and took a step toward the Impala. "It's beautiful," she exclaimed.

"Thanks," Dean grinned. "I'm kind of partial to her myself."

"Can I have a look?" she asked sweetly, "I promise not to take up much more of your time." Her voice sounded _too_ sweet, almost innocent and it was really beginning to bother Dean.

"Sorry, I have somewhere I really need to get to."

He stepped off the sidewalk and opened the door to the Impala. Before he stepped in, he turned to say goodbye but was startled to see that she was standing right beside him.


	5. Just a Quick Stop 2

"Hey, I'm sorry, but...", he started, but the sentence was cut off as she put her finger to his lips. Normally, a move like that would annoy him but just as he felt an aversion to her a moment ago, he now felt drawn to her again.

"Only a minute," she assured as her finger slid seductively across his lips.

He felt so mesmerized but knew that it was all wrong. He also knew that he had probably gotten in way too deep already. He grabbed her wrist and jerked her hand away from his mouth. "Who are you?" Dean demanded.

"Dean," she said, her voice now smooth and extremely sexy sounding. "I'm just a girl that has been on the road for far too long and happen to have come across a mysterious and sexy man." She gently touched his cheekbone with her free hand.

Dean's eyes fluttered shut for a moment as he enjoyed the touch. It was something that he hadn't felt in a long time and he needed it. He loosened his grip on her wrist and enjoyed the feel of her soft skin as his hand slid up her arm.

She took advantage of the fact that her hand was now free and grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him to her. "I like you, Dean," she murmured before she nuzzled against the crook of his neck and began planting warm kisses on him. "I need you," she whispered.

_Can't do this, got to get to Sammy_. Dean wrapped his hands behind her neck, then rested his head against the roof of car. "I like you too, but really, I need to leave," he persisted, unable to hide the need in his voice. "Really, Lindsey, I have to...," His voice dropped off at the feel of her thigh rubbing against him as she slid her leg between his and rested her foot on the doorstep of the car. "Ahh..." was all Dean could manage as she softly moved against him.

Her lips were so very soft and when her tongue flitted out, asking for permission, he parted his lips slightly and tasted her wonderfully soft kisses. A soft moan escaped him as she unbuttoned his shirt and began tracing his chest with her fingers. The touches felt good on Dean's skin and he deepened the kiss as he bunched up her hair in his hand and pulled on it slightly. She had gotten to a certain point on his chest when he felt a volt of pain. First he could only see darkness, then flashes of Hell exploded in his mind. He fought and pushed them away, it hurt but he succeeded.

"Stop," Dean said with anger. He was angry at her for being there and at himself for allowing this to happen. His eyes popped open at the sensation he had just felt and for the first time it registered that he was standing in the parking lot with plenty of people walking down the street. Normally a little PDA would be exciting, but not in the front of a restaurant. Even though dusk had settled in, he could hear kids playing in the distance.

She quickly moved her hand back to his face and immediately the pain was gone. She stared into his eyes until he had the same intoxicated look in them that he had a few minutes before. "I'm sorry," she said as if she were being scolded. "Please don't be upset with me," she said in a small voice and pulled him to her again.

Dean looked down at her and felt guilty for snapping at her. The feelings he kept getting were making absolutely no sense to him. From attraction to almost repulsion and from desire to anger again in a matter of seconds. He knew he had to get out of the situation but couldn't understand why he just didn't leave. Oh, she did feel good. Damn good.

Lindsey pulled Dean close, her eyes half-closed as her mouth touched his, "Want me to stop?" she whispered, her lips brushing his. "I promise to if that's what you really want." She pressed her lips onto his and lingered only for a second before she made her way back to the sensitive part of his neck again. Her thigh rubbed hard into him as her fingers danced around the button of his jeans. After she succeeded in unbuttoning them, she easily slid her hand down and felt satisfied at how hard he was and massaged him while she listened to his whimpers of pleasure.

Dean almost cried out as he felt physical contentment that he hadn't even thought of in a long time. She was making her way to his ear, and that was one thing that drove him insane. Her free hand was traveling down his chest again. No, he didn't want her to stop yet.

Her fingers had almost made it to the spot on his chest, where everything had stopped before because of the pain, and she reached up and let her lips brush against his ear. Dean shivered, his head laid back against the car again. He had forgotten once more where he was and all of the negative feelings that he had felt. When her mouth had brushed against his ear, he had forgotten everything. "Tell Sammy hi for me," she whispered, then allowed her hand to touch his chest again. The jolt of pain came back, as well as the horrifying visions. Dean gritted his teeth and fought hard to push it all away.

The pain was nothing compared to the rage Dean felt as his senses came back and he pushed her away. "You bitch," he hissed and hit her hard enough to knock her to the ground. He felt remorse for an instant because he knew now that she wasn't human, but there _was_ a human inside her somewhere. Still, the rage was overwhelming and he buttoned his jeans quickly, trying to figure out a way to take her down.

"Now, Dean," she laughed, "Is that a way to treat a lady?"

He glared at her as she lay on the sidewalk. "You're not a lady," he growled. "Probably never was," he said as he walked to her, wishing for his weapons. If he could only get to the trunk of the car, and how could he have been so stupid?

"How do you know Sam?" he demanded.

"I don't," she smiled, "You told me about Sammy, remember?"

"You lying bitch, answer me now or I _will_ kill you," he said and meant every word. He had no idea how he would do it but he felt his rage would help him find a way.

"We all know you Winchesters," she purred as she stood up. "You try so hard but you never seem to win do you?" She took a step toward Dean and pushed him hard enough to slam him into the side of the car. He was just glad that he wasn't still standing in the doorway or he would have landed in the front seat of the car which would have been a little embarrassing . "How was your trip?" she purred again.

"How do you know..", Dean started but didn't have a chance to finish.

"Silence!" Her finger was pointed at his at his chest and her expression had changed to disgust. "You don't know what you came back to. You don't even know if you really _are_ back," she sneered. "You're nothing, Dean. Why would anyone even want you here?"

Dean couldn't move and wondered what exactly he was up against. He didn't have to worry for long, she dropped her hand and let him free.

"Because unlike you," he smiled as he hit her as hard as he could. "There are people that care about me."

He watched her go down and heard a satisfying thud as she hit the ground.

She looked up with the most disturbing smile on her face as blood was smeared across her mouth making her look like a lunatic. "Not even you believe that," she said, staring at him evenly. "Why aren't you with all of these caring people that have missed you so much, Dean? Instead you're here, with _me_." She stood up and took a step toward him "Maybe you were right for once in your life. You came to the one that truly cares about you. It's almost heartwarming isn't it?"

Dean clenched his fist, wondering if he could hit her hard enough to get into the trunk and grab something. Anything. He didn't really have a preference at the moment. He knew that if he could destroy her though, he would never know how she knew so much about him, but at the time he really didn't care.

"Easy now," she warned. "I'm not trying to make you angry. Why don't we jump into the back of that pretty little car you have and finish what we started? You taste absolutely delicious, Dean, and I would love to have all of you."

Her hand had covered her mouth where she was wiping the blood away, but Dean could see the smile in her eyes. "Leave," he said with determination. "Leave now." He was disgusted and tried to will her away.

"I'm tired of playing with you," she said venomously, her expression changing to loathing. "You're not as fun as I thought you were going to be." She turned to walk away "Stay now, like a good little Winchester, or I might want to play again."

Dean watched her walk away but did nothing. He couldn't remember being this spooked by anything before. It was more than her words or her power over him. She knew so much about him and he could feel her need for him. It wasn't a sexual need that he felt, that was just part of her game, it was a fierce need that he couldn't put into words and no longer wanted to think about.

He had wasted too much time and was angry at himself for stopping in the first place. He had to get to Sam and fast.


	6. Time of My Life

Bobby saw Sam standing, head down, arms crossed, and knew exactly what he was in for. "Damn it Sam," he swore under his breath and pulled the truck off the side of the road.

Sam had had plenty of time to stew about the Impala and kept blaming himself over and over for it. So, he had the keys with him? He had seen Dean hotwire that car plenty enough times to have known better than to leave on the side of the road, and unlocked at that. He heard Bobby pull up and swallowed hard before he summoned the strength to walk over to the truck.

Sam opened the door and climbed into the truck, as he slammed the door beside him, he looked over at Bobby and said "I know. I was stupid and I really don't want to hear about ok Bobby? Just...please don't."

Bobby began to turn the truck around, concentrating on the road. "I wasn't going to say a word Sam. It's your job to go around beating yourself up all the time, remember?" He straightened the truck out and traveled down the road at a leisurely pace. It wasn't like he had anywhere to be at the moment and he was glad to have Sam with him. Even if it was a sullen Sam that he had to deal with.

He crossed his arms again and stared out the window. "Yeah, well somebody has to don't they? I don't see anyone blaming me for anything when all of it was my fault." He glanced at Bobby "All of it, and you know it."

"No Sam, it wasn't your fault," Bobby replied, not wanting to say what he felt he needed to, but deciding that he may as well since he finally had Sam within arm's reach. "Is that what you were doing back there in the fist place? Dean is not coming back, Sam, and there isn't anything you or I can do about it. Blaming yourself, going to his grave to re-live the pain...That's not going to change a thing."

Sam stared out the truck window again "I respect you Bobby, and I am glad that you have been there for Dean and me in the past. You have helped us more than you know, but, you will never understand this." His brow furrowed as his eyes concentrated on the scenery flying past him. "Please don't try to give me any advice, because this is something you can never understand. I can't...I just can't let go of this right now." He let out a small sigh . "I probably never will," he finished with a tone mixed with sadness and determination.

"It's ok Sam," Bobby said with sympathy in his voice. "Just know that you do have somebody here for you alright?" He shook his head, feeling defeated " You're right, I will never understand what you are going through, but, I feel like I lost one son, just don't go do anything stupid and let me lose two." He definitely didn't mean for it to, but his voice cracked when he said the words "lose two". _No idea, the kid has no idea_. Bobby wiped a stray tear from his face and pretended to scratch his cheek.

_"Yeah, well you're a dumbass for believing me in the first place." Dean chuckled and turned the radio back up as he drove down the back road to a town called Mystic. He had decided that if someone was stupid enough to name a town Mystic, they were asking for trouble in the first place._

_"Oh really? Well, you're an asshole for screwing around with me just because your bored, Dean. Do you think I'm having the time of my life sitting in this car with you day after day?" Sam was pissed. Dean had convinced him that he had a piece of toilet paper sticking out of the back of his jeans and they had stopped twice that day, once to eat and once to get gasoline. Sam couldn't decide if he was more angry at Dean for making him believe the stupid joke or at himself for falling for it._

_"Come on Sammy, you know that you have the time of your life being around me day after day. You just have to admit it to yourself." Dean smirked and turned the radio back down and began to sing "I've had, the time of my life, and I've neeeever felt this way"..._

_"Shut up, Dean." Sam was not in the mood for Dean's antics, especially after he had spent the last fifteen miles looking for the toilet paper. He was shocked that Dean hadn't let him take his jeans off before swooping into the nearest convenience store to embarrass him even more._

_"That was too funny. You should of seen your face when I told you that hot brunette was laughing at you. I think Sammy had a crush for about five minutes. A record!" Dean laughed and punched Sam lightly on the arm._

_"I did not Dean!" Sam punched Dean back, but no so lightly_.

"_Did not what Sam? Have a crush or get embarrassed?" Dean smiled and glanced at Sam out of the corner of his eye. He knew how far to push him and he also knew that he was reaching his limit._

_"Neither." Sam rolled his eyes and settled back into his seat but not before he changed the radio station. Luckily it landed on a Country station. Sam smiled to himself._

_"Sam!" Dean frantically tried to find the station they had been listening to. "I liked that song! Shit. Ok, you know the rules and the day I let you drive this car is the day I let you be in charge of the radio." Dean gave up and settled for the clearest Rock station he could find. "Dude, I so liked that song and I never get to hear it anymore." So, he sounded like he was sulking. He felt like sulking, so he would damn-well sulk if he wanted to._

_Sam felt a sense of satisfaction as he looked over at Dean. Dean had one brow raised and his jaw clenched as he looked straight ahead at the road in front of him. "Come on Dean, you know you're having the time of your life with me. And the day I get this car, will be the day real music will be played in it." Sam knew that this comment would either make Dean roll his eyes and they would spend the next hundred miles without speaking or it would make him smile. Sam smiled to himself when he got the latter response and started belting out 'Time of my Life'. Dean's smile turned to laughter and he chimed in with Sam, both now singing the song and making silly gestures that caught the attention of drivers passing by. Neither cared and neither realized just how true those words were at the time. Riding in the Impala, hunting, saving lives, researching, playing practical jokes on one another, saving each other's lives from time to time...It really had been the time of their lives._

Sam's head was pressed against the window as he was deep in thought with the memory. He had never seriously thought about the Impala being his one day, and he hadn't changed anything. Especially not the radio station Dean had left it on.

Suddenly a jolt of pain pierced his head and all he could see was a blonde woman, looking at him and smiling. She was evil, that he could tell, but, he could also feel something fighting against her. He squeezed his eyes shut and helped the force fighting hard against her. He tried with all his might and then she was gone and he could hear Bobby calling his name.

"Sam!" Bobby yelled. "Damn it Sam, stop! Answer me!"

Bobby sounded panicked and Sam looked over at him "It's ok, I'm back."

"I thought you had stopped that Sam. It's not good for you," Bobby said with concern. "What happened?"

"I don't know," Sam answered, his voice sounding weary. "I saw a woman and somehow, I knew that she was evil. I guess I blacked out for a minute." He almost caught himself telling Bobby that he was fighting her in his mind, alongside another force that felt like goodness. No, that didn't sound Star Warish or insane at all and he himself was beginning to wonder about his sanity. He had felt a familiarity that he couldn't bear to acknowledge and fought to push it away.

Sam sighed and looked out the window. The second he let his body relax, he was gripped by another vision, not unlike the one he had just had. This time he felt anger, rage even, and it wasn't coming from him. He tried to push the woman's face out of his head but she was strong, the familiar but very angry being was stronger though, only Sam felt that it didn't realize it and needed his help. Sam gave his all and as he snapped back into reality, he could feel victory.

"Sam, stop it!" Bobby yelled, pulling the truck over to the side of the road.

Sam looked over at Bobby and said "It's over. I don't understand, but it's over."

Bobby watched Sam with a worried gaze. "You don't look good. We're almost at my place, let's get some rest ok? That car will wait."

Sam was about to protest but his head was pounding so hard, he couldn't think straight. "Ok," he agreed, looking out the window as he tried to concentrate on anything but the pain. That's when he caught a glimpse of himself in the side-view mirror and saw the blood tricking from his nose. "But...," he started as they pulled into the driveway.

"Yes, Sam, we will find it and who took it in the morning," Bobby cut him off. "We've found harder things than this before."

They walked into Bobby's house and Bobby pulled out a flask from a drawer in his desk.

"You're going to mess up your three days of sobriety?" Sam asked, raising his brow.

"And how long's it been for you Sam?" Bobby asked, pulling off the top of the flask and taking a drink. "Are you working on your fourth and now think you're superior? It's been a long day kid and I'm not in the mood to fight." Bobby took a drink and sat down in the chair beside his desk. "Go lie down in the back, and yes, I'll make sure to wake you up in a couple of hours."

"I'm good here. Really, Bobby, I'll just rest on the couch and yes, I promise to sleep." He nodded to the flask. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about a lot of things."

Bobby put the flask down. "I know you are Sam and that's what's killing you. You have to stop." He stood and looked at Sam for a second "It really is good to see you. Don't pull the disappearing act on me again. I'm getting old Sam and I can't take it." He shook his head and walked to the back of the house. "Just give me a yell when you're ready to go."

Sam noticed for the first time exactly how tired Bobby looked. He felt shame as he eased back on the couch. He knew that he wasn't the only one hurting.


	7. Don't Doubt Me

Dean pulled into Bobby's driveway and saw that the lights were off. He frowned, knowing that it wasn't _that_ late, but maybe Bobby had had a long day. He got out of the car and grabbed a shotgun from the trunk, deciding to take a nap but not taking any chances after what he had just been through. He laid back against the seat of the car, drifting off from sheer exhaustion.

Sam woke with a start, noting the darkness that surrounded him. "Damn," he mumbled, irritated because he had only meant to sleep for a couple of hours. The headache was easing off and he rubbed his temples as he went to the door to catch some fresh air. The Impala was parked in the driveway and Sam backed into Bobby's to grab a weapon.

Though anger was pulsing through him, he walked cautiously to the car. As he moved forward, he saw a figure inside and he pulled his gun from his jacket.

Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw. Dean's head was tilted back as he rested in the front seat, his eyes were closed and the shotgun lay across his lap. Sam froze, forgetting to breathe for a moment. "Oh God," he whispered. The grip he had on his gun was so hard that his knuckles turned white.

Sam swiftly opened the car door. Dean jumped, opened his eyes and turned to Sam. "Sammy," he said when he saw his brother's face. He had no idea what an impact just seeing Sam would make and he tried hard to keep his emotions grounded.

"Dean?" Sam answered back with a puzzled look on his face. He swallowed and looked at the ground for a second, then back to Dean. "Who the hell are you?" he screamed with rage, nearly taking the door off the Impala off as he swung it all the way open. "_What _are you?" He grabbed Dean's collar and drew back his fist to punch him.

"No," Dean protested, his voice steely. "It's me, Sam, _me_." He put his hand up and met Sam's punch, catching it before it reached his face. He could already feel the sting, but pushed Sam's fist away from him before he let go. He saw his chance and took it, pushing Sam back with his arm, he came bounding out of the car, gun in hand.

Sam raised his gun and pointed it at Dean. "This isn't rock salt," he warned. "Silver."

"Stop," Dean said, holding one hand in the air and lying the rifle down with the other, never taking his eyes away from Sam.

"Sam," Dean said, his voice calm and even, "Just look at me." They held one another's gaze, neither moving after Dean stood back up. "Now, who do you think is gonna win this contest?" Dean allowed a small smile. "You've never won Sammy, not once. You always blink."

"This isn't funny," Sam replied, his voice filled with rage. He cocked his gun. "You have five seconds to tell me what you are and what you want. Then you can die quickly. Otherwise, it will hurt. I will make it hurt so badly, you will beg me to send you back to wherever you came from."

"Send me back, Sam," Dean said evenly. "If you can look me in the eye after all of this and not know it's me, then I don't want to be here anyway. Send me back."

Dean had the same look he reserved for Sam when Sam had really hurt him. It was a look that hadn't been used many times either. Sam could remember it when he told Dean that he didn't care what Dad wanted, didn't care about Dad anyway, and wanted to live his life as a normal person. He had been so angry when he said those words but the same look he was getting now had brought him back to reality. He also remembered that look when he refused to give up his newfound powers.

"Dean?" Sam's voice trembled and he knew. He just knew. His brow was furrowed and his head was cocked to the side as he wore an expression of a lost little puppy. Tears filled his eyes and he looked away because this was too overwhelming.

"I don't know what happened, Sam," Dean said. He didn't know why he chose that moment to say those words and maybe a part of him was hoping that Sam could explain it all, because for the first time since he had crawled out of his grave, he found reality.

Sam put the safety on his gun and set it down. He reached up reflexively and smoothed his hair down and that was when he noticed that how badly he was shaking. When he stepped toward his brother, everything felt surreal."Dean," he managed to choke out. The image of his brother standing before him became blurred as his eyes filled with tears and he tentatively reached out and touched his shoulder. As he touched him, the amulet felt warm against his chest, though he barely noticed it. He grabbed Dean around his shoulders and held onto him, afraid he would disappear if he let go. "I...Dean, it wasn't fair." He knew that he sounded like he was twelve again and Dean had taken one of his action figures but he didn't care. He kept waiting to wake up and he didn't want to.

Dean held his brother tightly, not caring that he broke down right then and there. He didn't think he would have had a choice in the matter anyway. He never tried to choke back a sob, instead, he let it out and for once in his life, he let Sam take care of him. The comfort he felt was like nothing he had ever felt before and he just cried.

Sam didn't want to let go. He was afraid that he would wake up. He gathered enough strength to pat Dean on the back and pulled away. Dean didn't disappear and the odd, dreamlike feeling was now gone. He simply watched him as he tried to pull his thoughts together.

Dean wiped the tears from his face. "Tell anyone I cried like that and I'll kick your ass for losing my car," he warned.

"But you stole it," Sam protested.

"You let it get stolen and I mean it Sam," Dean said with seriousness but winked, and for the first time, the sparkle came back to his eyes.


	8. Have a Drink on Me

The door to Bobby's house swung open and Bobby stood on the porch with his rifle in hand. "Get away from him, Sam," Bobby warned, his voice sounding odd with a mix of fury and grief in it.

"Bobby, no!" Sam yelled and stood in front of Dean. "It's him. It's really Dean!"

"Sam," Bobby said, lowering his tone. "I understand you want to believe that. _I _want to believe it, but...Sam, you know it isn't. You know it can't be him."

"I know it _is_ and if you try to kill him, you will have to kill me first," Sam threatened.

"You know I will Sam. Back away from, whatever that is, and listen to me," Bobby ordered.

"That right, Bobby? You would kill me too?" Sam narrowed his eyes. "Do what you have to do then."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Umm...standing here?" Dean said. "I hate to break up the nice little banter you've got going on , but I'm kind of part of it and I'm standing right here you know." He moved from behind Sam. "Bobby, I understand. You didn't get to be the hunter you are today by taking chances. I will go through any test you want me to ok?"

Bobby looked at Dean and a big part of him just wanted to hug him, then kick the shit out of him for ever making the deal in the first place. Still, he couldn't just take his word for it. Not because a figure that walked and talked like Dean Winchester was standing in front of him."Come here," he said in a wary voice.

Dean walked up to Bobby, or rather to Bobby's gun pointed at him, and Sam followed closely behind. "Ok, what do I do?" Dean asked, not at all sure that he really wanted to know.

Bobby held his gaze for a few seconds, then walked inside.

Sam and Dean looked at each other and shrugged. Dean walked through and understood why Bobby didn't invite him in. There was a new Devil's Trap painted on the ceiling, and Dean had already walked through it.

"Ok," he said, "Anything else?"

Bobby looked at Sam. "Watch him. I mean it, Sam."

Sam nodded and Bobby left for about ten seconds. He returned with a beer in one hand and his shot gun in still in the other. He tossed the beer to Dean. "If you're Dean Winchester, I'm pretty sure you're probably thirsty for this." Then he almost smiled. Almost.

If he could have sighed he would have, as the cold liquid passed his lips and went down his throat. He was still just so damn thirsty and the beer felt good. He downed it and looked at Bobby. "I can take that test again if you want me to," he said sincerely, adding a little wink.

"Well, I see the smart ass part of you never left," Bobby smiled. "It's damn good to have you back." He laid his rifle on the table beside him and walked over to Dean.

"You're definitely a sight," Bobby said, giving Dean a small hug and a pat on the shoulder.

"I could say that about you too. Do either of you understand the concept of running water these days?" Dean quipped, then he stood motionless as Bobby had swiftly put a sharp object against his neck.

Bobby had picked up a silver letter opener on the table as he had laid the gun down and it was now at Dean's throat. "I don't want to do this. I _don't_! And I will never live it down if it's...but I have to. I have to, Dean." He finished the sentence with the realization that he had said Dean's name as if he were really talking to him.

As Bobby paused at his name, Dean grabbed the letter opener with his bare hand and squeezed it hard. "I understand, Bobby, and I have to do this," he said, closing his hand so tightly around the object that blood immediately began dripping from his hand. He didn't stop though, and he wasn't sure if it was out of fury or just plain frustration, but he held the grip firmly.

"Bobby," Sam started and ran for him.

"No, Sam!" Dean commanded, but Bobby had already let go of the letter opener and was gaping at Dean, shocked by the fact that he was certain Dean really was standing before him, and that he hadn't let go of the damned letter opener.

"Dean," he said quietly, as he regained composure. "Let go. It's over now, just let it go." Dean looked as though he was trying to focus in on Bobby but his grip stayed strong. "It's an order Dean," Bobby said carefully. "Let. Go."

Dean opened his hand as the words seemed to register and the letter opener made a clanking noise when it hit the ground, blood splattering from it as it hit. He looked at his hand, the look he had was more of interest than of pain. He glanced back to Bobby and began to focus again.

"Sam, a towel!" Bobby yelled and quickly turned to the drawer where he stored his whiskey. He unscrewed the flask and rushed to Dean. "Give me your hand," he said, then poured the whiskey on Dean's cut.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean called out.

"Don't be a sissy," Bobby taunted, and began wrapping the wound.

He concentrated on wrapping Dean's hand tightly, then braved a look at him. "I can't believe...How?" Bobby now felt the same surreal feeling that Sam had felt. "Dammit Dean, I almost killed you. I would have never been able to live with my..." he stopped short and dropped his head.

"I can't die anymore if all you and Sam are gonna do is cry when I come back," Dean said, trying to break the tension. He felt his hand was bandaged well enough and flopped down on the couch.

Bobby sat beside him "Dean, you really have no idea. I don't even _want _for you to know how...," he could feel glaring at him without even having to turn around and knew he was talking to much. Talking too much was something that Bobby Singer didn't do. He felt like he was in some kind of shock and he didn't care for it at all. "I'm glad to have you back, son. Damn glad." He pulled Dean in for a quick but tight hug.

"Dean, you take the extra bedroom," Bobby said, patting Dean on the shoulder. "Sam, you take the couch and we will all suss things out in the morning." He stood up and started walking back to his room, not wanting Dean to see him cry. "And I don't want to have to tell you two to sleep, like a couple of ten year olds. Bed. Now. And if that hand starts bleeding again, you get Sam to put the stitches in for you, Dean. I'm tired, and too old to handle you boys," he grumbled, feeling relieved that he made it to his room before he broke down.

"Got it, _Dad_," Dean called to Bobby as he walked down the hall. He grinned at Sam "So, this is what you had to put up with while I was gone?"

Dean had meant it as a joke, but the words hit home with Sam and he knew that Dean could read the look on his face. "It really was bad," Sam mumbled, then looked at the floor. He felt guilty for saying it because he couldn't imagine what Dean had been through. He didn't _want_ to imagine.

"How long have you been...here?" Sam felt awkward asking the question, not knowing how to ask it without sounding stupid or insensitive.

"Today," Dean answered, leaning back into the couch. "Hey, go steal another beer from Bobby for me?"

Sam walked to the kitchen and placed his hands on the counter. He let out a deep breath and willed his heart to beat a little slower. _Stay strong. This is not about you_, _it's about Dean, so get it together_. The refrigerator fan started with a whir and Sam jumped, he walked over to it and opened the door, grabbing two beers, then headed back to Dean.

Sam watched as Dean took a long drink and tried to figure out what to say.

"Need help opening that?" Dean said, nodding at Sam's unopened beer.

"No," Sam smiled, then let it fade quickly. "What I need help with is...Well, what happened Dean?" He sat leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he peeled the label off his beer. He looked over at Dean and braced himself for the answer.

"I don't know, Sammy," Dean said solemnly. "I woke up in a grave. I had to dig my way out." Dean took another drink and scratched the back of his neck. "I found some weird, abandoned convenience store and took some water and stuff, then started walking." He paused, not really wanting to relive his day. "I called Bobby and of course he wouldn't talk to me, but after I walked for awhile, I saw the Impala." This made him smile. "It was the damnedest thing Sam, almost like she was waiting for me. Too easy, you know?" He cocked a brow at Sam and grinned. "That wasn't the case though was it? What were you doing out there, and how many times do I have to tell you to lock the doors if you're gonna take off like that?"

Sam looked down with a sheepish grin. "Yeah, I know, pretty dumb." He took a swig of beer and felt his heart speed up again because he knew that he was going to have to explain. "I was just checking on you," he said. "And before you start Dean, I didn't salt and burn you because I needed something. Just anything ok? I needed a place to go to think and I was going to do it...Just later," he lied.

"Ok, now _that_ was a stupid thing to do, but, I'm sure as hell glad you did it." Dean said, thinking about what would have happened if Sam had gone through with what he knew he would have wanted. Then again, he shouldn't be whole now anyway, it had been _four_ months. "Doesn't add up though, Sam," Dean said pointedly. "Do _you_ know what happened?"

"No," Sam said defensively. "Even if I did know, I wouldn't take it back."

"Wouldn't take what back?"

"I didn't make a deal, Dean. I know what you're getting at. I _tried_, but no one, or rather _nothing_ was interested." Sam pulled on the last few drinks of his beer, his eyes darting around the room as he knew what Dean wouldn't give this up.

"Why are you so nervous, Sam?" Dean asked, watching him closely. "If you did something, you need to tell me so we can handle it."

"I didn't, Dean," Sam growled. "Look, I told you that I tried, but it didn't work! That's that." He shot Dean a look of defiance.

"Dude, the "I'm Sam Winchester and you're not getting anything out of me" look intimidates no one," Dean chuckled. "Least of all me." He gave Sam a smile and decided that he believed him. There was no reason why he couldn't believe his brother. The thought made him think of another subject though. ⌠ Did you stop with the psychic mumbo jumbo?" he asked suspiciously.

Sam rolled his eyes at Dean. "I told you that I wasn't going to do it anymore and I haven't, he said sincerely.

"Good," Dean nodded. "That stuff gives me the willies, Sam. It's not you that I don't trust. It's just not safe ok?" Dean sat up straight and decided to tell Sam about his "adventure". "I did run into a demon today. It was in a woman's body and got away before I could get to the weapons in the trunk of the car," he shrugged, deciding to leave the rest of the story out.

The back of Sam's neck bristled when Dean said "woman's body". "What did she look like?" he asked, trying not to sound too interested in the details, though he wanted every single bit.

"Young, blonde, absolutely gorgeous," Dean answered. "She was wearing a white dress with some kind of lace at the top. It was weird looking but kind of hot at the same time."

"A bodice," Sam answered, his hand instantly going to Dean's necklace as his mind went back to the image of the woman. He was spooked and he hoped that Dean couldn't see it on his face.

"You know a little too much about women's clothes," Dean smirked. "She umm...touched me, and when she did I could feel pure evil from her." Dean gave Sam an uneasy look, he didn't want to talk about this but felt it important to at least tell Sam about the demon.

Sam cocked his head to the side. "Touched you? Where?"

"On my chest," Dean answered. "Why does it matter?" he asked defensively, as he started to feel embarrassed.

"It doesn't," Sam answered, his hand instinctively touching Dean's amulet. "He knew exactly where it had touched Dean."

"Hey, my necklace!" Dean said. "You kept it," he nodded at it, with a satisfied look.

Sam smiled and pulled it off, handing it to Dean. "You should have known that I would take care of it." His smile stayed in place, but inside he was terrified. "Well, I guess we should get some rest before Bobby comes in here and chews us out." He was elated to see his brother, but he was more than freaked about not only seeing what Dean saw, but actually feeling him too.

"Yeah, I'm beat," Dean answered with a yawn. "Being dead takes a lot of a person."

"Dean, stop," Sam said with seriousness. "No more joking about it ok? Not for now anyway," he pleaded with a compromise.

"No problem, Sammy," Dean said, feeling that if he didn't joke, he would lose his mind though. He stood up and started to make his way to the bedroom, ready for some sleep after what seemed like a never-ending day. "Don't let me sleep too late," he said, resisting the urge to hug his brother. It just wasn't the Dean Winchester way, he really wanted another hug. Sam was a part of him, a part that he could feel when it wasn't near him.

"Night, Dean," Sam said, nestling into the couch. He watched him walk to his room and all feelings of fear vanished because they couldn't compare to the sight of Dean.


	9. All Talk, No Action

"You decide to sleep all day too?," The voice sounded loud and reverberated in Dean's ear. His eyes flew open as he almost jumped out of the bed.

"Jeez, Bobby, was that really necessary ?" Dean laid his head back down on the pillow and tried to bring his heart rate back down to normal. He had had horrible dreams. Hands everywhere were clutching at him and he'd heard voices telling him to "come back". He remembered being caught in razor sharp barbed wire and every time he tried to move, it sliced through his skin. It all felt too real and Dean was relieved to be awake.

"I could have just thrown a bucket of water on you, but I didn't feel like putting up the effort," Bobby answered. You know, it's almost noon and Sam just got up too," Bobby left Dean's room shaking his head.

Dean sat back up, trying to gather his bearings. He walked to the kitchen and stopped when he heard low voices.

"He didn't tell you _anything_?"

"Nothing, except for a demon stalking him. I don't know how to ask Bobby."

"Maybe you shouldn't ask. He'll tell you when he's ready. When _he_ feels like it."

"I know, but Bobby it tears me up."

"Me too, Sam. Me too...Are you going to go and look for the girl today?

Dean decided to make his entrance. He just couldn't take anymore "talk" and no, he didn't_ feel_ like talking about it. What the hell did they expect?

"What, no breakfast?" he asked, looking around the kitchen.

"Are you kidding me?" Bobby answered. "It's already lunch. I figured you and Sam would grab a bite on the road. You two are going out to find that demon right?"

"Sounds good," he replied. "You ready to hit the road, Sammy?" Those words felt so good to say.

"Whenever you are," Sam said, with hesitance in his voice. He really didn't want to go after this thing. It just didn't seem like a good plan.

"We'll be seeing you soon, Bobby," Dean grinned and held his hand up for Bobby to see. "Look, no stitches needed." It didn't look as badly as it had the night before and both Sam and Bobby were surprised as well as relieved.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Bobby said solemnly. "I really am."

"I would have done the same thing," Dean replied with seriousness.

"Wrap it again and keep it wrapped," Bobby said. "And you both come back here tonight ok? Can you at least promise me that?"

"Well, I'm a man of my word, Bobby, so I will say that we will try our damnedest. That good enough?"

"It is," Bobby winked. "Take care of each other," he added as Sam and Dean walked out the door. He watched them get into the Impala and felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his chest. He needed them, needed them both, but had never realized just how much.

" So, where do we start?" Dean asked, already looking for music on the radio. He popped Aerosmith in the tape deck after a five second search.

" I don't have a clue," Sam lied. He thought about going to the diner where Dean said it all had happened, but down deep he really didn't want to find this thing.

" You're just full of help today," Dean said and looked at Sam before he made a turn.

Sam knew where he was going and he knew there was no way to stop him. " Do you really want to do this, Dean? I mean, we can let this one go."

" Ohhh no," Dean said. " I know what you're thinking Sam and if I get a second chance to live, I'm not going to spend it running from things, got it? I'm back and that means back to business as usual."

" Just because you're back, doesn't mean you have to go gung-ho the very next day, Dean," Sam responded. " You know, I can handle this and you really could take it easy for awhile, even if it's just for a day or two."

" Don't think so," Dean said shaking his head. " If it had been you that was molested by a creature from the darkside, I don't think you'd just want to sit back and take it easy." _Fuck_ no, he did not just say that.

" Molested, by a creature from the dark side?" Sam gave Dean a quizzical look.

" She…_it_, made me all…," Dean was embarrassed and the words couldn't get the damn words out. " Look, Sam, I thought it was a girl and she was hot ok? And unlike some people, I need a little…shit!" he exclaimed and turned the radio up.

" You need a little shit?" Sam laughed. " Did you get it on with a creature from the darkside?"

" You're pushing it, Sam," Dean warned.

" Simple question," Sam shrugged. "What was that like for you anyway?"

" Damn it Sam! I didn't…we didn't," Dean was flustered and really felt like to killing this thing now. "We didn't go all the way. A kiss and a little touching and you're really sick for wanting to know this!"

" Well, I'm glad to hear that you didn't go "all the way". You might have had to take her to prom." Sam looked over at Dean's profile and saw his jaw clenched. "Hey, you're the one that said it."

" Would it be possible for you to just shut the hell up until we get there?" Dean said through clenched teeth.

"Sam bit his lip to keep from laughing.


	10. Meeting Again

Silence filled the car as Dean pulled into the parking lot. He turned the ignition off, got out of the car and slammed the door.

Sam sighed and jumped out of the passenger side. " Do we need anymore weapons from the trunk?" he asked, hoping that Dean would be in a calmer state once they were in the diner.

" Nah, I think we have enough," he answered, any irritation from earlier had now left his voice. " Besides, there's two of us and one of it. I hope." He patted his .45 for reassurance, wishing he knew what the hell he was up against exactly.

Sam followed Dean's lead and once they were in the diner, he spotted the girl instantly but didn't say a word. She looked up at him and winked. His heart sped up and he swallowed hard. She wasn't alone. A man, mid to late thirties was sitting across from her, staring at her intently.

It didn't take long for Dean to notice Lindsey and he headed over to the table. " I think you'd better find another table," he said to the man.

" Excuse me?" the man said, with more than mild irritation.

Sam walked up beside Dean and pulled out a badge. " F.B.I.," he said with authority. " This woman is needed for questioning."

Dean smiled at the man and felt a little satisfied that he had told Lindsey he worked for the government. It didn't sound as lame now. Then he shook his head a little and remembered that it didn't matter what he told Lindsey because she wasn't real. He was beginning to suspect that she might possibly be a witch since he kept losing his bearings around her. " Sound a little more appealing now?" he smirked toward the man.

" Oh," the man replied, sounding surprised. He didn't bother to say anything to Lindsey and quickly gathered his things to leave.

Sam waited until he was sure that the man was out of earshot and leaned down to Lindsey. " Do you want to do this here, or would you rather go outside where it's nice and quiet?" He stared straight into her eyes, conveying a message that he wasn't going to play games and that she did not intimidate him.

" What are we going to do?" she asked excitedly. " This sounds like fun! And you must be Sammy," she winked.

Sam was taken aback but he held it together " Not really in the mood for games today." He stared at her, not bothering to suppress his anger.

" But we could have so much fun," she sulked. " Just ask Dean."

" And that will be enough," Dean interjected. " Go outside _now._

She propped her arm up on the table and rested her chin in her hand, looking at them both intently. Finally, she said in a syrupy voice " Is that what you want too, Sam?" Her eyes gauging his reaction.

" Do you _know_ her?" Dean asked, with confusion. It was more of her tone with Sam, than her words and it was really beginning to bother him.

" Yes, do you know me?" she looked pointedly at Sam, then grinned.

" No," he answered. I don't care to know you either. Come outside so we can talk about this ok?" Sam kept an authoritive tone and his eyes never left hers. Dean noticed this and the entire situation left him with an unsettling feeling.

" Anything for you," she said, moving out of her seat. " You know that Sam."

Dean shot Sam a look, but he just shrugged back as they followed her out the door.

Once they were all three in the parking lot, Dean pulled his .45 and silver knife out. " Ok, _now_ let's play," he said, shooting Lindsey a smile this time.

Lindsey leaned against the wall behind her, looking bored, as Sam held his hand up to Dean and shook his head. This earned him another stare from Dean, mixed with confusion and irritation.

" Who are you?" Sam asked simply.

" He really means "what"," Dean said. " Look over him, when he doesn't get his full eight hours, he starts getting forgetful."

" A friend of a friend," she said, looking at Sam and completely ignoring Dean. " Do we really need to go through all of this? I'm getting really bored here." She folded her arms and faked a yawn.

" I was wondering the same thing," Dean said. " Got everything ready, Sam? I have it contained while you do what you do." He expected Sam to start with incantation any second and was feeling restless.

" Let her go," Sam resigned.

" And I would do that why exactly?" Dean arched his brow and looked over to Sam.

" Because _he_ knows that neither of you can hurt me," she said as she pushed away from the wall and walked toward Dean.

" Don't lie, Sam," she chided, her eyes staying on Dean as she got closer. " He met me when he was trying to make a deal for you. I thought it was cute. He was crying and begging. You would have thought that I was going to kill _him_ but it was all for you. He was even on his knees '_Oh, take me. Please save my brother.'_ Funny! Until I got bored." She giggled and pushed Dean's gun out of her way.

" Enough!" Sam shouted. " You can just shut your fucking mouth right there or I _will_ do something about it."

" You don't have the strength even if you've grown the balls," Lindsey smiled and eyed Sam. " I'm more interested in _you_ at the moment anyway," she said to Dean, her finger touching his face.

Sam raised his hand to her, concentrating hard. It hurt his head so badly, worse than any vision had ever done to him.

Dean was in shock, but his brain had started to work again and he slapped her hand from his face. " That was a really stupid thing to do," he said under his breath, as he aimed the gun at her head. " Maybe this won't stop you, but it will slow you down enough for _me_ to send you back.

" You really think you could do it if Sammy couldn't? You're _nothing_ Dean. Useless." She raised her hand to him. "A waste of air," she sneered and gave him a look of disgust, then turned to wink at Sam who had his hand raised to her, just as she had to Dean. She grabbed the talisman and squeezed it. Dean felt his throat constricting and soon, struggling to breathe wasn't the issue because he couldn't do it at all. In his peripheral, he could see that Sam falling to the ground.

_Both of you have sweet dreams. Dream a little dream of me, was the last thing either of them heard._


	11. Talk to Me

_You gotta wake up Sam because I can't carry your ass out of here. _

Sam could hear Dean's voice but it sounded odd and as if it were muffled by something. He wondered if Dean were in trouble and knew he had to wake up, had to, but, he just couldn't make his eyelids open.

_I mean it, Sam! That bitch is probably thirty minutes away by now. You know we're never gonna find her._

Dean let out a sigh and Sam knew he wasn't in trouble. It sounded like his was pretty ticked off actually and Sam couldn't figure out why. Worse, he couldn't even move.

_Sam! I swear to God, if I have to go and get a bucket of ice water I will._

Finally, Sam was able to open his eyes and as he blinked a few times and tried to focus, all he could see was Dean's face hovering over him. Everything was all blurry and weird looking.

" There you are, Sammy," Dean grinned. "I knew the threat of ice water would work."

" Dean?" Sam said as he was finally able to feel his body and make it work. " Could you back up a little? You seriously need an Altiod or something."

" Yeah?" Dean answered as he backed away, trying to remember if he'd forgotten to brush his teeth before they'd left. Of course not, he didn't even _have_ a toothbrush now. Good thing he hadn't met up with any _real_ hot blondes." Well, next time I'll use the water. Now, off your ass and tell me what the hell is going on." He finished and stood before Sam, arms crossed defiantly.

_This is not good_. Sam pulled himself up into a sitting position. " I blacked out," he responded lamely.

" Yeah, well, you're not the only one and don't play dumb with me." Dean grabbed his arm and helped him up." Come on, you know exactly what I'm talking about." He walked to the car without saying another word.

They sat in silence as Dean drove down the road. He had no clue as to where he was going and didn't care. He wanted to know what was going on and Sam sat stubbornly in the passenger seat. " Do we go after it or not? Hell, I don't know where to begin to look," Dean grumbled, breaking the silence. When Sam didn't answer, Dean said evenly "How'd you know her?"

" I think she explained that one," Sam said as he continued to look out the side window. " I was trying to make a deal to get you back ok? It went bad. No one wanted me, Dean, I tried so hard." He glanced at Dean out of the corner of his eye to see exactly how mad he looked but could tell nothing. " Anyway, she was at the crossroads and she brought a couple of friends with her. I thought I was ready for anything and I did handle the other two, but her…I couldn't touch her and she pulled the same thing there as she did with us." Sam swallowed hard.

Dean slammed on the brakes. " Damn it, Sam, you said you didn't do it and when is this going to stop?" He was enraged and luckily they were on a two-lane back road because it was apparent that he wasn't going to move. " When they have us all? Because that's what they want you know. You were gonna go right ahead and give them what they wanted! What the fuck is wrong with you?" he demanded.

" You have _no_ idea Dean." Sam's voice was low and angry. " I didn't care. They could have had me and I wouldn't of cared. What _you_ did was wrong, so don't turn it around on me. You should have let me die when my time came, just don't turn this around on me."

" No," Dean said sharply. " _You_ have no idea or you would have _damn _well cared! You don't know what it's like there."

" No I don't, Dean," Sam answered. " I don't know what any of it was like because you won't tell me. You keep it all bottled up like it will come back to you if you talk about it. It won't! Why can't you trust me?"

Dean said nothing and looked ahead. " I trust you, Sam. I trust you more than anyone and you know it. I don't want to remember and I don't want to think about it ok?" He put his foot on the gas and the tires squealed when he started down the road. " Promise me that you will never try and make a deal for_ anyone_ again. Can you do that Sam? That, and never try to pull that psychic crap again because it's too close to the edge. I can't explain it, I can just feel it. Please, just promise those two things and one day I will tell you._"_ He felt his eyes tear up and blinked them away quickly " Right now, I just can't…"

" I promise, Dean," Sam said quietly, feeling like a knife had just pierced his heart because of the things that Dean didn't know. He would try with everything he had to keep his promises though and maybe he could feel a little less deceitful one day. " I'm sorry. I will never ask again and you only tell me if you want to, ok?" He looked over at Dean with a worried expression.

Dean sighed and loosened his grip on the steering wheel. " It's ok, Sammy, I did the same thing and it's ok. He looked over at Sam " I promise to never try a deal again either. It's what they want. They know our weakness and they prey on it." He turned back toward the road. " We'll beat the son of a bitches, they'll never know what hit 'em," he smiled.

Sam looked at Dean and shook his head, he settled back into his seat and grinned to himself, and for the moment he let himself believe that everything was back to normal and reveled in the feeling.

" What was that weird thing you were doing with your arm?" Dean asked, and Sam's moment vanished. " You know, the…," Dean couldn't find the words so he raised his arm to Sam to demonstrate. " That looked, just weird."

" I couldn't move," Sam said quickly. " She had me frozen just as I raised my hand toward you. It felt strange," he added and held his breath.

" Well, it sure as hell looked strange," Dean replied and arched his brow. " She did the same thing to you." He started to ask why but decided to drop it. "You had this weird look on your face. Looked like you were constipated or something," he shrugged.

" Thanks so much Dean, and I'll keep in mind not to look constipated the next time I'm trying to save your life." Sam let out his breath, hoping there were no more difficult questions to answer.

" Please do," Dean smirked.

"Maybe I won't even bother, next time," Sam snapped.

" Oh now, Sammy," Dean laughed. " You know you can't help yourself."

" Test me."


	12. Guilt

Bobby heard the Impala pull into the driveway and couldn't help but smile and breathe a sigh of relief. He was amazed that they had actually listened to him and came back. Even more amazed by the fact that they had seemed to stay out of enough trouble to come back early. He sat back on the couch and turned the television on, pretending like he hadn't been sitting there worrying about them all day.

" Food and drink in the fridge," he said when they walked in. " You know where it is. I'm not your maid," he grumbled as they stood in the living room.

"Desperate Housewives, Bobby?" Dean asked as he walked by. " I did not just see that."

" I was just flipping through," he said, appearing unfazed though inside he was berating himself for not checking to what was actually _on_ the tv. " I can always try and find that Buffy show for you," he added with a satisfied smile.

" Hey, Sarah's got it going on, and I like the fight scenes," Dean retorted though he felt mortified that Bobby even knew he had watched that show. On occasion.

Sam and Dean grabbed some sandwiches and a couple of beers then joined Bobby in the living room. Bobby turned the television off and settled back on the couch. Dean noticed how tired he still looked.

" Why don't you go and rest awhile Bobby? You look beat."

" Trying to get rid of me before I hear all of the juicy details?" he answered, though he did feel exhausted and had a headache from worrying.

" Not much to tell," shrugged Sam. " We found her alright, but she took us down." He looked at his food. Anywhere but Bobby or Dean's eyes. " I guess we'll have to do some research before we try to take her again."

" And what kind of research are you planning on doing?" Dean asked incredulously. " A demon with the ability to make us black out isn't going to get us very far." He glanced at Sam " Unless there's more you want to share. I mean, she does know you."

Bobby leaned forward with a concerned look.

" Well, she knows you too, Dean. Probably better than she knows me," Sam shot back. " Maybe there's more _you_ want to share." He felt badly about shifting the blame, but he knew that if Bobby pushed the topic, he might figure him out.

"Sounds like you two need to sort this out yourselves," Bobby said to the surprise of both Sam and Dean. "I think I'll take your advice Dean and get some rest." He stood up and started for his room. "Stay for breakfast and I'll cook again," he added without looking back at their reactions. He was still reveling in the fact that they were both there, but now felt worried again. Hell yes, he wanted to ask how this demon knew Sam and Dean, but he was afraid to push the envelope. He knew that something was still amiss with Sam and had already found out the hard way that if pushed too far, Sam may close up completely.

"Keep bringing that up and I'll never tell you anything else," Dean said sharply.

"I'm sorry." Sam meant it. He knew that it was low and he wouldn't have done it if he hadn't of felt so nervous. " You know, I'm wiped too. Why don't we get some rest and just let this go for awhile. You said it yourself Dean, there's nothing we can do now anyway.

" Nothing I can think of right now, but something will turn up. It always does." Dean shrugged and gave Sam a grin " How about we go on a road trip tomorrow? You know that something's bound to catch up with us sooner or later, if we don't find it first."

" Sounds good," Sam agreed. He was ready for a roadtrip, it was something he had missed, and like Dean said, something would catch up with them or they would find a new adventure. It would help them both get their minds off of the things that were pinned up inside.

" Don't sleep till noon," Dean said as he got up. " I had more of an excuse this morning than you did. Hell kind of wipes a person out."

" I'll get you up before dawn." Sam answered, and ignored Dean's last remark. He remembered the "jokes" from Dean when he only had a year left and had dealt with them, but, he didn't want to go through it again now with Hell. Still, he knew that Dean dealt with things differently and he would respect the fact.

" Try that and you'll be walking tomorrow." Dean arched his brow as he walked to his room.

Sam lay back and pushed it all out of his mind. He had practiced concealing his emotions, even to himself, while Dean had been gone. Now he was good at it.


	13. I am not afraid

" You did a very bad thing," Sam heard the sing song voice whisper in his ear. " Dean would be so angry with you." Then there was a giggle; an evil mocking noise that made Sam shudder.

" You made a deal, Lilith," Sam answered with venom in his voice. " Part of that deal was that you would never hurt Dean."

" I haven't hurt him Sammy," the voice cooed. " I helped bring him back to you."

" You _have_ hurt him, and every time you do, I can feel you. I can find you through Dean. I can _see_ you through Dean," Sam said as he got angrier. "You might want to keep that in mind."

" I only played with him for a little while," the voice answered, sounding like a scolded child. " I didn't hurt him. He wouldn't be in the next room if I had hurt him."

Sam opened his eyes, his heart pounding now, he couldn't see her. The voice was practically in his ear but he couldn't see the entity. " I want you to hold up your end of the deal," he said definitively. You stay away from Dean, period."

" Or what?" the voce teased. " The deal's off? I don't think you want that, and I don't think I want to give these powers back. We're sharing that's the nice way to play."

Sam sat up and looked straight ahead " Yeah, you hurt Dean and the deal's off. Remember the rest of it Lilith? The part about me not hurting you? That part will _definitely_ be off. You may share my powers now, but I am still stronger and you know it."

" You think you are," the voice mocked. " You never saw it coming, Sam. This was all just a little test for you. We needed to see _exactly_ how strong you are and you proved that you're not at all strong under the right kind of pressure."

"Want to test me again?" Sam growled. " You'll be gone before you know what hit you. Yeah, maybe I'll have a price to pay, but why don't we just see exactly what I _can_ take?"

"Fine!" the voice called out, not sounding as satisfied as it had a few seconds earlier. " But if you keep being mean to me, I will tell Dean what you did."

" Like he will believe you," Sam smirked and closed his eyes again. He was so tired and he didn't want this reminder right now.

" He will believe me if I make him. Oh, the fun we could have!" the annoying giggle persisted. " Think of the fun _I_ will have when I have finished my chores. You won't be so tough then Sam."

" I will stop you before you finish your "chores"," Sam smiled, refusing the urge to open his eyes. " I know what you have planned and no, that wasn't a mistake on my part. I knew it before I made the deal. I'm not the only one that can destroy you. You honestly think I had was so overcome with grief that I made a deal that would eventually end Dean and me both? Wrong." he scoffed.

" I know what he is capable of," the voice answered, now changed into the tone of an adult. " Why do you think I wanted to play with him? You were never my obstacle, Sam. Dean will be mine soon and that is when the real fun begins."

Sam opened his eyes, fear overpowering him. " What are you talking about?"

" Dean has lived in the shadow of your father his entire life. He has also lived in your's," Lilith explained as if it were she talking to a child now. "A well-trained soldier. Trained unknowingly for the tasks that lie ahead of him. He has more power than me or _you_, but he doesn't know it. He would never believe it. Understand that while he was trained, he was stripped of his dignity, his pride and self-worth."

Sam listened, showing no emotion as flashes of his and Dean's youth flooded his mind. Yes, Dean had it difficult as a child and had taken on a lot of responsibility, but he had never been treated as though he were worthless. In fact, it had been the opposite, through all of their father's faults, he had made sure that Dean knew he meant the world to him. He had always been the strong one, the obedient one.

"You would never tell him what you did because you are perfect in his eyes. His love for you holds no barriers, or so you think. Therefore, I am not afraid Sam. Dean will lie in the darkness unknowingly, until I need him. Even if you are willing to break his trust and tell him what you've done, he just may believe you, but he will never believe in himself. Not until I show him the truth. You have neither the power nor the knowledge to do that."

"That isn't true." Sam breathed, his anger constricting his throat. " I know my brother and you underestimate me."

" No," Lilith said, her voice still in adult mode which was even creepier to Sam than the child-like pitch. " The only thing that has been underestimated is Dean, by both you and himself. And deep down, you have enjoyed that haven't you Sam? You've always took pride in being the "normal" one, which was why you've always hated your abilities right? Deep down, you wished that the burden had been on Dean. Now your wish has come true because he has more power within him than you've ever dreamed off."

" I would wish this on no one. Certainly not Dean."

" You just let yourself believe that." Sam could hear a smile in the voice. " Nonetheless, we knew that you Winchesters were smart, so we needed to outsmart you. You were never the one we wanted; it has always been Dean. Your yellow eyed friend was also a weak pawn. You've never even had contact with the truly powerful ones. They know you and your family. They know Dean and what he is capable of. But, they needed to know if you would break, so we borrowed him for awhile. You did something that he would never do. You gave the abilities to me, _knowing _what I would do with them," there was a short pause, then the voice continued with words Sam did not want to hear. " Dean would have never done that. He will be loyal to us. He's proven his loyalty to family time and time again."

Sam took every word in very carefully and could not contain his rage. " I don't know what your "powerful ones" have planned, Lilith, but, you are right about one thing. Dean is loyal to his family. _I _am his _only_ family," he demanded. " Leave right now or I will walk into that room and wake my brother. Then you can deal with the repercussions and maybe I will too, but, I promise you that I will do it."

He got out of his bed and started for the door " If you try and use me to get to him, it won't work. You're right, he would never do what I did." The last words made him feel sick. " I will make sure that you can't use me against him if I have to. No matter what it takes." In the back of his mind he thought that maybe this was the price he might have to pay for what he had done.

" Don't worry, Sam, I know what you are thinking and you can't hide. You won't allow yourself to die and let him face this alone. You will see it all. I will make sure of it," the voice assured. " Goodbye. For now."

Sam felt that he was alone again and all he could see was Dean. Dean as he took care of him when they were young, and as they grew. Dean listening attentively to their father and practicing what he had been told. The fact that Dean could be told to carry out an order and could follow through without making a single mistake was something Sam had always envied. Now it was something he feared because he _knew_ his brother was faster, more agile, stronger, more determined. How could Sam have ever have believed that he would be the special one? Dean had no idea and Sam didn't know how to make him believe. No, Dean didn't have faith in himself and now Sam wondered why. Was it because of him? Dean always made light of the fact that Sam had been accepted into college, had a steady girlfriend and wanted to live the "normal life". Sam had never intentionally said hurtful things, but, now he wondered if he had insinuated that Dean never had a chance to be "normal". That he either wasn't intelligent enough, good enough, or was just born a loser. He looked at the door to his room and wondered if he was the reason Dean couldn't believe in himself.


	14. Faith

Sam stood in the doorway of Dean's room and watched him. Just seeing his chest rise and fall as he breathed felt comforting. _Saving people, hunting things, the family business. _Dean would never sell out. He hated anyone that did. Lilith was playing a mind game and he was letting her win. Sam rested his hand on the doorframe and closed his eyes. _Dean will never…This is all in your head…Oh please, stop!_

"Never lose faith in Dean, Sam."

Everything stopped for Sam in that moment. "Dad?" he whispered, as he grabbed hold of the doorframe. It took everything he had to turn around, but he did, and then he saw him. He saw the kind eyes and the loving smile. "Dad," he said, more as an affirmation as his eyes welled up with tears. _Please let this be true. Let this be true Dad. I can't do this. I need you. _His mind raced as started to walk to the figure.

John Winchester put his finger to his mouth. "Shhh, don't wake him." Then he held his hand up to Sam. " You have to stay there son. Don't come any closer. It just isn't allowed."

Sam swallowed hard, but listened. All he wanted to do was touch his dad. Let his dad give him a hug while he broke down. He had been trained to hold it together, but at the moment, he didn't care.

"What you did was wrong Sam," John said matter of factly, but with no disappointment in his tone. "I understand why. Dean will too."

"I don't know, Dad," Sam said quietly.

"I do," John smiled, his voice soft. " Like I said, don't lose faith in him. Don't lose faith in your bond. Do you understand me, Sam?"

"Yes sir," Sam answered, letting his tears fall.

"Listen to me carefully," John said. " You were connected to your brother because you had his amulet. A piece of him that he values deeply. Lilith knew this, though she did not know that you could help him fight her. It was a game for her and she will try to play more. Soon, you will not need anything to connect to Dean and he will have the ability to connect with you as well. Keep practicing."

"But Dad," Sam protested. " Dean hates it when I use anything remotely psychic. He won't go for this. If it isn't something he can see, he won't believe in it."

"I'll only say it once more, Sam," John said. "Never lose faith in him. He will fight you, it's in his nature, but, don't stop. He will understand what you did and why you did it. Trust him. He believes in himself too. Don't let her trick you into thinking that he doesn't. Give Dean credit."

"Yes, sir," Sam nodded with sincerity.

"Good," John nodded. "Now, there is no time. I have to leave now and you have to promise that no matter what you and Dean encounter, you will always believe in each other and in your bond. And no, it is not only Dean they want. It is both of you. They need _both_ of you. Keep strong and stop listening to her mind games."

John looked at Sam. "Now, there is no time. I have to leave now and you have to promise that no matter what you and Dean encounter, you will always believe in each other and in your bond," he said firmly.

"I do, Dad. I mean that," Sam said, knowing that Lilith would continue to try and weaken him and Dean. He also knew that this was his father in front of him. No words could describe what he felt, he just _knew,_ and if he had found a way to contact him, Sam had to remember his words. " No matter what," he added, with a smile beneath his tears.

"I know you mean it," John smiled again. "And I know that you can beat this together. I have faith in you both. I always have."

"Dad, I'm sorry. I am so sorry that I didn't believe in _you._" Sam fought hard to keep his father's gaze as the shame he had held in for way too long came forth. "I just…" he looked away for a moment and fought to find the words that he'd wanted to say for years now. "I was stubborn and I don't know how I could honestly believe that you didn't want to save Dean. I just want to take it all back." Sam cried, still unable to look at John.

" Sam," John said gently " I know. I knew it before you did and now it's time to let it go." He took a tentative step toward Sam, as if he knew he shouldn't, but finally Sam met his gaze again and he made himself stop.

" Dad…Will I see you again?" Sam asked quietly. He had noticed John taking a step toward him and desperately wanted to go to him.

" No more talking, Sam," John answered. " Turn back to your brother now. Remember that I love you and Dean. Remember that you and he have strengths beyond your imagination. For now, turn away from me, and that is an order."

It took as much strength to turn away from his father as it had to face him, but Sam did so. He felt his presence leave and his heart broke as he left. Sam wiped at his tears and went to his brother. He eased into the bed beside Dean, hoping not to startle him because he didn't care to get shot at the moment. He also knew that Dean would ask him what the hell he was doing and when Sam didn't have an answer, he would be teased relentlessly about having a nightmare or being afraid of the boogey man. He didn't care. He wanted to be near his big brother so he lay down very softly and turned his head to watch him. Dean had a peaceful look on his face, and Sam noticed for the first time that it was the same expression he wore when he felt the need to calm Sam's fears. With his brother and his father's love, he did feel peace. As he lie there, listening to Dean breathing, he knew his father was right, Dean would forgive him. They would fight this together as they always had. They had a bond that could not be broken and the sanctity of that bond just may well be the very thing that would save them both.

End


	15. Thanks!

I'll only leave this up for a couple of days, and will make it brief since there aren't supposed to be author's notes. I find it strange, but oh well, I have to follow 's rules…

Thanks so much to everyone that took the time to read this. Special thanks to black67impala, if it weren't for her, I would have given up. This is dedicated to her. She really is my Sammy. : )

Special thanks to babyreaper, riquitv, chacra, annv, christianrockstar019, and for taking the time to review. It really means a lot. I am glad I now have this finished, but hope to write more on it and hope to see you guys around!


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